Bangers and Mash: Leyton Orient Report

Grimsby Town 2 Leyton Orient 0
18 Sep 2004, Coca Cola League 2

Though with Donny Barnard only on the bench we were spared a tidal wave of excitable ladies of a certain age when they heard that Donny was in the Osmond. Boom, boom. And there we have Orient’s footballing style summed up for you too. Oops, nearly gave away the plot.

Town lined up in the now usual, now expected, 3-4-3 formation, as shown. Forbes started in the centre of the back three and received a polite reception. Muted, but not hostile. He isn’t very tall.

Leyton Orient players waddled about in front of their fans, practicing kicking the ball a long way.

The cover picture on the front of the programme was of Reddy, dancing like the woman out of the Thompson Twins, with hair hovering above, looking like it was preparing to land. Reddy’s bandage was above his knee today. Do you think it’s a fashion accessory? A leg bandana, available in the club shop, £2 off with a token from the GET. Or is it that you get £2 off the GET when you wear a leg bandana.

Dish of the Day: Greg Young’s sausage, chips and beans. Should we worry about Greg Young’s sausages? Shake your chips once or twice. They should be crisp und brown; no soggy chips.

Town ran out and...what’s that? That very faint noise? It’s a chugging guitar...a penny whistle... "In the Pontoon Stand we’re the greatest in the land..." Fantastic. Well, it would have been if they’d pumped up the volume; only household pets could hear that sub-sonic invasion of the senses. The cats in Blundell Avenue were groovin’.

1st half

Orient kicked off towards the Pontoon. They lined up on their left, lamped it left and...it didn’t go out of play. Confusion all around. Eight, nine, ten seconds and still the ball was in play. Finally, an offside given and our hearts could rest. I blame Reddy, he had ample opportunity to glance a header out of play but oh-no, he had to head it back didn’t he.

Nothing.

Minutes were ticking by, the crowd were unenthused, Leyton were unsubtle. Oof, hoof, on the roof. Town were doing their usual first half nonsense of far too many long and high balls, especially towards big ears Parky, who continually failed to beat a man eight foot taller than him in the air. Professor Pinault was trying: dinking, winking and linking but up front when he tried to get through there was nobody home. Hang on, this could be interesting. Harrison raced out of his area and fly-kicked awfully. The ball flew to Pinault who tried, from about 40 yards out on the left, to volley into the net. He didn’t: wide and high, no danger.

How long has gone? Only five minutes? How’s about this then? Suddenly Setstanovich awoke from his slumbering, lumbering bumbling to ooze past his marker down the right, bully his way into the area, along the bye-line and jink back infield. He cracked the ball low towards goal, it hit something and rebounded out towards the penalty spot. Fleming leapt into action, volleying the ball as it dropped. Oooh, aahh. Indeed, a defender winded by the blow, the ball blocked and momentary excitement gone. A couple of minutes later Town linked as many as two passes together with the ball rebounding into space about 965 yards out on the centre right. Pinault put his Renault Clio into fifth va-va-voomed forward and hit a terrific flying half volley. Going straight it was, straight as an arrow towards the net. It went straight to Harrison who plucked the ball from underneath the crossbar.

Forgive me, I sneezed and must have missed the time Orient players passed the ball to each other.