Bungling Will (the continuing story of)

Notts County 2 Grimsby Town 2
16 Apr 2005, Coca Cola League 2

The Town players warmed up in the usual glass-half-empty way, with an unusual high-stepping exercise thrown in. Dave Moore had them leaping across a swollen stream, river walking, not river dancing. I suppose it keeps them occupied in these dog days. Positive John walked positively too and applauded, positively. Only polite rippling from the coffee quaffers in response.

Town lined up in a 5:3:2 formation, as shown. So the same frenzy of attacking whirlygigging as last week then? Wow. Reddy had his bandage fixed around his knee. That's a code, isn't it? No more needs be said about this, and it won't. Carry on.

Chesney Hawkes and Neil Diamond on the tannoy. Is this Radio Old? Where is that beautiful noise?

The pervading whiff of ennui wasn't helped by County announcing season ticket sales for next season. Perhaps Town should follow suit, maybe even link up with TESCO. Triple clubcard points if you buy before the end of May, that sort of thing.

Town played in yellow, County played in monochrome. Makes the game surreal, doesn't it.

1st half

Town kicked off towards the home support in the secret supermarket stand. Two seconds, throw to County, marvellous.

Ooh a corner to them, on their right after Pipe had riddled and raddled Ramsden. Hurled to the near post where Jones the steam headed out to Hurst, about fifteen yards out. He wimpled the shot straight at Williams as Big Bad Baudet wafted a leg in the vaguest of vicinities of the travelling airbag. More County pressure, flittering around the box, hurling long throws, barging, passing, moving, being a little bit interested in the match. Just a little bit, not too much. Another corner, a big-haired boy nodded over as the crowd nodded off.

Can they pass the ball? What is the shin for? Another County harem-scarem run-at-em attack, ending with a little midfielder slapping a shot from ages away, ages over the bar. Shinball wizards, there has to be a twist. And there was from Gritton, dinking Crowe away. Sit back down, Crowe in a cul-de-sac, ball cleared. This is laughable, they keep setting Town up. Oakes hit a superb first time pass to Crowe on the half way line, who ran down the centre as the defence backed off, then veered right for no apparent reason; perhaps he needs his tracking adjusted. I bet he mixes crossply and radial. Instead of zooming straight for goal, Crowe decided to shiver a perfect pass through am imaginary gap to Parkinson. He passed to a defender and danger was averted without too many members of the Women's Institute baking angel cakes. Ooh, and again, Oakes releasing Crowe. Jive talkin' Jase made a busy-bee line for the penalty area and, twenty five yards out, thwacked a drive a couple of feet over from a centre-right position.

How long has this been going on? Eight minutes according to the scoreboard that occasionally forgot vowels. The next few minutes were a series of throw-ins, which won't get a second season on Channel Five. There was no particular plot and no crazy, wacky happenings involving young people set to a rock'n'roll soundtrack. You couldn't get emotionally attached to the characters, no depth you see.