30/04 Kidderminster Part 2

Kidderminster Harriers 1 Grimsby Town 4
30 Apr 2005, Coca Cola League 2

Because if I didn't tell you that you'd only get a 150 word diversion around the A453, musing, but maybe not amusing, on the relative merits of venetian and/or roman blinds in dormer bungalows down North Sea Lane. Or maybe a mutation into a restaurant review in the style of Michael Winner.

Near the quarter hour, a Kidderminster corner from their right. Danger, pay attention, something's about to happen. Lashed in, lashed out by Crane's quifftastic noodle, the ball bazoomed upfield, bouncing once about 30 yards out. A little Kiddie ran forward and completely missed the ball as it bounced over and into the centre circle. Reddy and the final defender challenged, with O'Reddy's boot flicking the ball off the gelled stalagmites on the roof of a Kid's head. High kickin' Michael: the Tiller boy, toiling and spoiling upfront, raced away from the half way line. Onwards, ever onwards, the ball careering up in strange angles off the lumpy-bumpy custard tart of a pitch. Into the area, reds missing behind, REDDY awaited Danby, sold him a couple of raffle tickets, and nonchalantly flicked with the outside of his boot, the ball rolling in to the centre left of the goal. Town were exposing every weakness however carefully hidden by the Kids. That's not very carefully, is it.

More corners for Kidderminster Harriers. More heading practice for Big Tone, the answering machine at the heart of the Town back-ish three. If you want to leave a message please bleat after the Tone. The Town players were clearly distracted by the smells wafting across Williams' goal from the pie stall; why else would they be happy to stand around inside their own penalty area when the opposition was so fractured, a broken butterfly, wings crushed.

What a shame Diop-hop-hop-hop was told to hop off so long ago. We could do with some comedy, it's just plain dull.

Shall we have another shot? Why not. A free kick on the right, lamped long, knocked on by Whittle and rolling, rolling out at the far post. Lo, there is a man with gusto, his name is Reddyo. The Irish wolfhound sniggered around the back, spun and thwacked a rasping looper over the bar from a narrow angle. Worth an "ooooh" and got and "ooooh". It's official then: "ooooh". There was a long delay when Parkinson and Danby collided after a rubbish bit of defending on the edge of the area. Don't worry, the Town fans made use of this time to eliminate waste and stock up on food for the long journey into the second half.

This is a great advert for park football.

Pinault took a free kick and...nothing happened, but with Pinault nothing can happen with some style.

With about ten minutes left Kidderminster had a spell of sustained possession, passing frequently to themselves, something they'd failed to do previously. The ball was finagled to Rawle about 25 yards out in the centre. He rumbled around in circles, rolled, rocked, did some amateur origami, phoned his mum, performed a little paradiddle (which the FA are looking into after a complaint) and cracked a swirling, curling shot around Jones' legs and onto the crossbar, with Williams startled enough to drop his copy of Autotrader. A Kiddie shot! If it had gone in it would have been a goal, that's for sure. It didn't so it wasn't. Ah well, there's always next time

"He's like a Northern Counties East Premier Division Juninho."
"Williams hasn't touched the ball, but he's still managed to drop it."
"Is that your shoes ringing?"
"Will we see Glen Downey play today?"
"I think our neighbour is a Slitheen."