Stop all the Clocks: Luton Report

Luton Town 1 Grimsby Town 2
23 Aug 2003, Nationwide League Division 2

Anyone over five foot two, with eyes of blue, and over eight stone struggled to fit. If only Luton had bought the stand from Marks and Spencer’s they could have taken it back for a size 20, as long as they kept the receipt of course. That really is a lesson for us all, isn’t it. But hey, wouldn’t you take this grand old opré above a multifunctional leisure complex in a field. It is, despite everything, recognisably a football ground, replete with Pleatian history.

The pre-match entertainment was a secret, never to be told, so I can’t tell you which soft rock classics were pumped out to soothe the masses, or what exhilarating anthem Luton ran out to. The tannoy at Blundell Park is a state-of-the-art super digital enhanced surround sound sensation by comparison. The Town crowd amused themselves through regional pride and a some late afternoon window shopping, for down the left hand side the old huts remain, spruced up but still looking like a double glazing showroom. Personally, I thought number 11 looked quite snazzy, a tinted toughened non-reflective pane with no frills. Exactly what’s required to get out of the second division.

Town lined up in the ambiguously coloured away kit in the usual 4-4-2 formation, as shown. So same again, but with a twist. Cas and Crowe swapped round, so that Crowe was at right back. Let’s hope that’s not a comic twist.

The pre-match contemplation of what kit Town would play in, given that Luton play in white shirts with black shorts was answered when the teams eventually strolled out, Luton would wear their away kit too. So orange versus greyey tan, the sort of kit clash you only get in lower division football, computer games, and the over active imagination of seven year olds in art lessons.

1st half

At five past three Town kicked off away from the Town support, varying the routine again, this time it was Crane’s turn to lump it long after four passes. Sigh.

You’re going to wait a long time before someone has a shot. Nothing of great consequence happened during the first half hour. Oh sure, Luton had some attacks, their crowd got excited, which was nice, but they never looked like scoring. Their big man, little man routine up front (hulking Howard and mini man McSheffrey) buzzed but barely burnt the Town defence. McSheffery dribbled into the Town penalty area a couple of times, but his "shots" were either blocked or completely miss-hit. At some stage a Luton midfielder wellied a shot from 20 yards which troubled the Town fans greatly, as it zoomed towards the bulk of the bulky mariners, grazing a couple of lightly brushed heads, smashing against the corrugated iron at the back of the stand and nearly knocking someone’s cup of tea over. How rude.

Town attack! Well, sort of. Boulding spun free down the left after a caressed curling pass down the touchline from Barnard. Boulding got to the by-line and hit a cross into the heart of the 6 yards box, and that was it. No-one there.