The August Debate

By: Richard Hubbert
Date: 01/09/2001

AFTER discussing their favourite players of the nineties, Fred and Bert are back to debating the current issues around Blundell Park whilst indulging in a spot of fishing.

FRED:
Aye Up Bert!

BERT:
Oh! How yer' doing Fred?

FRED:
Oh, not bad mate, not bad. How about you?

BERT:
I'm not so bad myself ta very much. Just doing a bit a fishing actually. Not caught a lot mind you.

FRED:
Well, I'm trying my luck down this part. I can't catch a sausage down that end.

BERT:
So, have you seen Town play much lately?

FRED:
Yeah, I have actually. Saw them last weekend again. Not got off to a bad start have they?

BERT:
No, they certainly haven't. Seven points from four games ain't half bad.

FRED:
Aye.

BERT:
Scored quite a few too. That young Rowan looks a good player to me.

FRED:
Yeah, you're right.

BERT:
Yeah. Now it seems that the problem is at the other end!

FRED:
True.

BERT:
Grovesy sometimes looks a bit too slow and that Beharall lad will soon have to go back to Newcastle, as for Raven, well he's permanently on the injury table. So what are we going to do?

FRED:
Well, to me, that Beharall looks a decent player, but I'm not sure what Lennie thinks of him. He hasn't exactly made a song and dance about his performances, but I think he's done OK.

BERT:
Same here. I'm not too sure whether Lennie likes him either. I reckon that he wants to sign a big defender. Beharall isn't the tallest and when we get big men up against us, like that Crouch, we just can't cope.

FRED:
But it's not every day you get a 6 foot 7 forward up against you though is it?

BERT:
No, but we will struggle with any sort of physical presence.

FRED:
Well, I still like the look of him. In my opinion we may as well get rid of Raven, sign Beharall and get another big centre half.

BERT:
Yeah, maybe. But what about the rest of the park? We need to sort out the left midfield problem so we can get Campbell on the right and get Pouton down the middle. What's happened to that Ellison?

FRED:
Injured, I think.

BERT:
Typical! Well, we need to get it sorted. Apparently we've got some lad from Mansfield.

FRED:
Boulding

BERT:
Yeah. He can play on the wing can't he?

FRED:
But is he the answer?

BERT:
Who knows? I think he played for the reserves the other night.

FRED:
Surely he can't be first division quality, coming from the third division?

BERT:
Well, we'll have to see.

FRED:
Then there's Mr Mendonca!

BERT:
Is he coming or what?

FRED:
Well, Lennie says there is an interest but I don't suppose a striker is his priority.

BERT:
I read on teletext that he rejected a move to QPR, whether or not he wants to come here, I don't know.

FRED:
He'd definitely put a few on the gate.

BERT:
Yeah. Aaaaahh! A nice breeze at last! It's been sweltering all day. The misses insisted on putting this silly sun hat on!

FRED:
Like being abroad this is innit? 28 degrees they said on the wireless.

BERT:
Really?

FRED:
Oh, that reminds me, did you hear Radio Humberside last Saturday?

BERT:
Yeah, something about some Brazilians! Sounds like a load of tripe to me!

FRED:
Could be Bert, but it would be nice wouldn't it?

BERT:
What?

FRED:
Having some Brazilians play for Town!

BERT:
Well, it's all some big publicity stunt if you ask me. Even if we did get some, it wouldn't be for a while.

FRED:
Well, I'm all for it!

BERT:
Can't say I am mate.

FRED:
Oh well! All part and parcel of being a Town fan I suppose. Hey Bert?

BERT:
Yeah?

FRED:
Fancy a tuna sandwich?

Now for the vote...

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• The Team of the Nineties Debate
• Fred and Bert
• Features Index
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