Christmas at Blundell Park
By: Dan Humphrey
Date: 21/12/2001
WHAT do you buy a Grimsby Town footballer for Yuletide? Dan wonders what the Town players at getting for Christmas, and comes up with some suggestions for Santa!
KEEPERS:
Coyne: permission from FIFA to play for any country he wants, since Mark Hughes does not realise he is the best Welsh keeper.
Croudson: some books to read while he is on the bench
Ermes: a loan spell to a Div 3 side to give him experience
DEFENDERS:
Macca: anything that gets him fit and keeps him fit for the rest of his career. Lessons from Tony Ford; how to play football into your 40s.
Gallimore: a right-foot
Broomes: a contract, a house in Lincolnshire, an A-Z of the area, anything that will keep him here... [Ed - oh dear! I guess he's missed his prezzie]
Groves and Neilson: some confidence and some goals please
Raven: lessons from Broomes in bringing the ball out of defence
Ward and Morgan: perhaps Lennie could put these guys on the bench now and again to keep other squad members on their toes
Butterfield: sessions at the gym to improve his slim build, and a note from his mum exempting him from right wing duties.
Chapman: a grow-bag, and extended contract.
MIDFIELDERS:
Campbell: a note from his mum; Stuart is not a left winger. Plus more goals please.
Pouton, Willems, Coldicott: Shooting practice. Maybe give Pouton the vice-captaincy? I bet someone buys these lads David Batty’s autobiography for Christmas....
Burnett: What has happened to Wayne? Injuries, loss of form, very inconsistent. Obviously Wayne has far too much hair to play in our young midfield, so his gift is a Pouton-style skinhead.
Boulding: a longer contract, and if we are being very greedy, a little more pace!!
D Smith: a road map, with the route to Sincil Bank clearly marked. Sorry Dave, you've served the club well, but...
Busscher: Erm, a press conference to announce how to spell and pronounce his name, Brusscher, Busscher, Bruscher ??? and so we know what he looks like..
Livvo: First Aid kit!
Allen: er... A time machine to make him younger and faster
Jevons: perhaps some of Boulding’s pace. And a bit more consistency – one game he’s great, next he’s anonymous.. He also seems a bit littleweight, so he can go to the gym with Danny B.
Rowan: a well-deserved rest, followed by a new role as a super-sub.
C Thompson: a regular place in the first team squad.
Jeffrey: see D Smith, except maybe Glanford Park instead. Time to put faith in the youngsters...
Finally, Lennie Lawrence’s present: A few million pounds from a generous lottery-winner. I bet Lennie would not be too upset if the Board bought him Beharall, Croft, Mendonca, Broomes and Oster for Christmas. I suspect its more likely that the Mariners will win the FA Cup this year....
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